My Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Title: All My Rage

Author: Sabaa Tahir

Format: ebooks (borrowed)

Pages: 384

Publication Date: 3/1/22

Publisher: Razorbill

Categories: Family, Grief, Coming of Age, Contemporary, Young Adult

Lahore, Pakistan. Then. 
Misbah is a dreamer and storyteller, newly married to Toufiq in an arranged match. After their young life is shaken by tragedy, they come to the United States and open the Cloud’s Rest Inn Motel, hoping for a new start.

Juniper, California. Now. 
Salahudin and Noor are more than best friends; they are family. Growing up as outcasts in the small desert town of Juniper, California, they understand each other the way no one else does. Until The Fight, which destroys their bond with the swift fury of a star exploding. 

Now, Sal scrambles to run the family motel as his mother Misbah’s health fails and his grieving father loses himself to alcoholism. Noor, meanwhile, walks a harrowing tightrope: working at her wrathful uncle’s liquor store while hiding the fact that she’s applying to college so she can escape him—and Juniper—forever.

When Sal’s attempts to save the motel spiral out of control, he and Noor must ask themselves what friendship is worth—and what it takes to defeat the monsters in their pasts and the ones in their midst. 

From one of today’s most cherished and bestselling young adult authors comes a breathtaking novel of young love, old regrets, and forgiveness—one that’s both tragic and poignant in its tender ferocity.

Content Warning: Grief, Death of Loved One, Abuse, Addiction, Overdose, Trauma, Prison, Racism, Islamophobia

I am a fan of Sabaa Tahir because of her fantasy series but her venture into contemporary young adult is powerful. This is not a happy story. It is filled with trauma, hurt, despair and the characters in it just seems so desolate and lost – add to that the setting of a motel in a town near Death Valley in California and I felt as trapped as Noor and Sal does in the book.

Noor is an immigrant, her parents are dead and her uncle brought her to California from Pakistan. She is grateful to him for saving her but her dream is to leave Juniper, California after high school. I cannot imagine what Noor’s been through and then to come to a new country and try to fit in, learn the language and lifestyle? It’s a lot for anyone to deal with – on top of dealing with an uncle who resents her presence. I love that she had good moments though, especially with Salahudin’s mother, Misbah, before she dies. And I adore her love of music. I know she used it to escape the bad things happening in her life but every time she mentioned a song I could totally relate to her mood.

Salahudin’s parents immigrated to California and bought a motel they named the Cloud’s Rest Inn Motel. It was his mother’s dream – she loved running the motel but Sal’s dad is an alcoholic and when his mother gets very ill and dies, it’s up to him to keep things going but he doesn’t know how. He’s a high school student just barely surviving the loss of his mother and his drunk and grieving father. Sal is also dealing with some of his own issues – he hates being touched and doesn’t know why and not sure if he wants to know why.

I love all the characters and how the story unfolds. The characters are solid and I felt I got to know them so well, well enough to care about them. Usually flashbacks in a story can be jarring but having this story told through Noor, Salahudin and Misbah (her tales of the past), were seamless and it flowed so well. As I read the story, I felt rage also – for Noor and Sal. Here are these two high school kids just trying to make the best of their lives. They are strong, they will do what it takes to either get out or keep their family afloat but it seems so lonesome for both of them. I felt like there was hardly anyone in their corner. I also love that this story wasn’t preachy on faith and the message here was that religion is there for comfort, for people to have when they need guidance through life because life is tough. There are so many hard times.

As mentioned above, this story is not light and fluffy. It’s full of despair, it’s raw and real and deals with tough things like drug dealing, drug addiction, racism, discrimination, abuse, death. I wanted to reach into the book and help Noor and Sal because they are just kids! Bless Misbah’s heart – she tried, that dear woman tried her best. They all did the best they could under all the circumstances.

Why you should read it:

• a powerful story and wonderful Pakistanis and Muslim representation
• it will break your heart and fill you with despair but the writing is so good and the characters are so real
• getvto know Noor, Sal and Misbah’s story

Why you might not want to read it:

• triggers everywhere so be in the right mood to read this one – a mood to have your heart broken and to rage at the world!

My Thoughts:

This story is a real look at the Pakistani immigrant experience and gives us a peek at the beautiful culture of the people, and the religion of Islam, especially through Misbah’s words, memories and actions. It’s a story about love – love of family, and falling in love with your best friend. It’s a story about many scary things that happen to good people also – drugs, death, abuse, making desperate choices and facing consequences. And also, it’s a story about hope and how to keep going when life doesn’t go as expected. This book is heartbreaking, captivating, and so powerful and definitely a must read.

📚 ~ Yolanda

Quote from the Book:

I’ll survive this. I’ll live. But there’s a hole in me, never to be filled. Maybe that’s why people die of old age. Maybe we could live forever if we didn’t love so completely. But we do. And by the time old age comes, we’re filled with holes, so many that it’s too hard to breathe. So many that our insides aren’t even ours anymore. We’re just one big empty space, waiting to be filled by the darkness. Waiting to be free.|

-Sabaa Tahir, All My Rage

Shock has faded into numbness. But grief is an animal I know. It’s retreated for now. But it’ll be back.

-Sabaa Tahir, All My Rage

Because what religion—many religions, really—offers is comfort when it’s all too much. A reason for the pain. A hand in the darkness if we reach for it.”

-Sabaa Tahir, All My Rage

Sometimes we hold on to things we shouldn’t. People. Places. Emotions. We try to control all of it, when what we should be doing is trusting in something bigger.”

-Sabaa Tahir, All My Rage

Rage can fuel you. But grief gnaws at you slow, a termite nibbling at your soul until you’re a whisper of what you used to be.”

-Sabaa Tahir, All My Rage