My Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Title: Starfish

Author: Akemi Dawn Bowman

Format: Paperback (owned)

Pages: 352

Categories: Coming of Age, Young Adult, Contemporary

A half-Japanese teen grapples with social anxiety and her narcissist mother in the wake of a crushing rejection from art school in this debut novel.

Kiko Himura has always had a hard time saying exactly what she’s thinking. With a mother who makes her feel unremarkable and a half-Japanese heritage she doesn’t quite understand, Kiko prefers to keep her head down, certain that once she makes it into her dream art school, Prism, her real life will begin. 

But then Kiko doesn’t get into Prism, at the same time her abusive uncle moves back in with her family. So when she receives an invitation from her childhood friend to leave her small town and tour art schools on the west coast, Kiko jumps at the opportunity in spite of the anxieties and fears that attempt to hold her back. And now that she is finally free to be her own person outside the constricting walls of her home life, Kiko learns life-changing truths about herself, her past, and how to be brave.

From debut author Akemi Dawn Bowman comes a luminous, heartbreaking story of identity, family, and the beauty that emerges when we embrace our true selves.

Starfish is a story about a girl named Kiko with a narcissistic mother, a broken family and a talent for art. She is dealing with being bi-racial, half white and half Japanese in a mostly white town. Kiko is ashamed of herself but through her art work she learns to express what she feels and hopes one day she can heal.

• This family is broken – Kiko and her brothers aren’t close, they have a narcissistic mother which was portrayed very well, and her father is remarried with a family of his own. I genuinely felt scared for Kiko because her mom didn’t believe her about a certain situation and there seemed to be no one Kiko could really turn to.
• Thank goodness for Jamie her best friend coming back into her life. Talk about having a life line! And thought their relationship went from a friendship to a crush to something more, I liked that she took a step back to fix other things happening in her life that took precedence.
• The events that happened in Kiko’s life was something she blamed herself for and that was heartbreaking to think all of this burden was on her. The truth does come out though but still…so much heaviness. Kiko also deals with social anxiety on top of everything else and it just made me hope she gets help with everything one day. I love the sections of the story where Kiko thinks what she wants to say, but what she says instead. 😞 She censors herself so much.
• She meets someone who appreciates her talent and helps her face some truths about herself. I love that she had a mentor in her life.

• Kiko’s mom – 😒 she clearly has problems and needs help. When Kiko leaves her mom’s house (thank goodness) I was already worrying about her brother Shoji who was so quiet (all siblings dealt with their mother a certain way to cope) – and I was afraid no one was worrying about him enough.
• It’s a heavy book. Kiko deals with self-esteem issues and anxiety exacerbated by living with her mother. Kiko’s mom didn’t even believe her about what her uncle did to her – it made me so angry but also I understood, this is reality, parents don’t believe their kids sometimes. Honestly it’s heartbreaking but I put myself in Kiko’s shoes and I felt like this story to be very realistic.
• Triggers: racism, attempted suicide, anxiety, depression, sexual abuse

Starfish is not a light read, but I think Kiko’s story is important and will make an impact with many teens out there. I was raised in a place where the more mixed race you are the more special or beautiful you are and I wished so much Kiko had this experience. I felt such sadness for Kiko about her feelings of being trapped in her bi-racial body and in her home with a mother who thinks the world revolves around her. I wanted to break all those kids out of her custody. This story covers abuse (parental and sexual), anxiety, depression but it is also about strength too and the courage to embrace yourself and break free.