When We Were Infinite by. Kelly Loy Gilbert | Book Review

My Rating: 4.5/5 Stars

Title: When We Were Infinite

Author: Kelly Loy Gilbert

Format: eBook (borrowed)

Pages: 368

Publication Date: 3/9/21

Publisher: Simon Schuster Books for Young Readers

Categories: Young Adult, Friendship, Romance, Abuse, Mental Health, Identity, Contemporary

All Beth wants is for her tight-knit circle of friends — Grace Nakamura, Brandon Lin, Sunny Chen, and Jason Tsou — to stay together. With her family splintered and her future a question mark, these friends are all she has — even if she sometimes wonders if she truly fits in with them. Besides, she’s certain she’ll never be able to tell Jason how she really feels about him, so friendship will have to be enough.

Then Beth witnesses a private act of violence in Jason’s home, and the whole group is shaken. Beth and her friends make a pact to do whatever it takes to protect Jason, no matter the sacrifice. But when even their fierce loyalty isn’t enough to stop Jason from making a life-altering choice, Beth must decide how far she’s willing to go for him—and how much of herself she’s willing to give up.

• This story starts off so happy and then it’s a slow descent into heartbreak and then healing. It starts off as this story about a tight knit group of five friends, most of them Taiwanese except for Grace who is Japanese American, and Beth who is half-white and Chinese, who has no deep to connection to either side of her cultures. These kids are smart, goal oriented, talented and have everything going for themselves, their futures are so bright and they all seem so perfect – on the outside. Their friendship is a beautiful thing but even though they are the closest and most supportive of friends, there were things they couldn’t prevent. Through Beth we see that as their time comes to an end in high school, pressures start building, more for Jason the boy she’s in love with, and a series of events happen that shakes their tight knit group.
• But let’s talk about Beth. We are in her head a lot and I was scared at times being in that head because some things I could really relate to. She’s the most quiet among her friends, and so talented with a violin. She is that type of person ready to appease everyone, at least she is with her friends. Beth lives her life in a way so that she won’t repeat the mistakes of her mother who she blames for the divorce and making her dad leave. As a teen, I would have understood Beth a lot with the anger at her parents. Now that I am a mom and way older, Beth was breaking my heart blaming her mom for everything. She comes off selfish (when it comes to her mother) but so unselfish when it comes to her friends and Jason. The story comes around full circle from Senior year in high school to them being in college which I’m glad about because there were so many things Beth needed to learn about herself, she needed to actually grow without these amazing friends of hers and she does. It’s not easy, but she does it, little by little.
• Mental health is a big topic in this story. From the very high expectations of immigrant Asian parents (I know how that feels but not to the extent of what Beth and her friends are going through), abuse in a family and is it considered “abuse” and should you tell anyone, dating someone with mental health issues, and seeking help when you do have mental health episodes among other things.
• I love how music is interwoven into the storyline because of Beth and her friends being in the school symphony club. The place Beth is her true self is with her violin. Music is what brings her back to life that is worth living.
• This story is written beautifully and I hope to read more of this author’s work. I was really drawn into this story of perfect friends as thing unraveled. By the end of it, I wanted them to all be fixed and the ending made me cry. I think I was just so happy that Beth and Jason were okay despite everything.

Triggers: attempted suicide, anxiety, divorce, abuse, panic attacks

• This is heavy reading material and so very triggering. Beth’s anxiety chaffed at me, it gave me anxiety. I wanted to shake sense into her because I’m an adult now but I saw some of myself in her. Jason’s withdrawal made me nervous for him. I felt helpless for both of them. I felt quite drained by the end of this book, so read at your own pace if any of these topics are a trigger for you.
• The romance between Jason and Beth in the end becomes a beautiful thing but the beginning of it is toxic. It’s a bad idea, but Beth is diving into it head first, she is all in without a care for her own well-being. To me their love story wasn’t something comforting to me at all when it began…but by the end of the book, I was tearing up because they both did a lot of work to meet each other half way.

When We Were Infinite is an emotional journey about at a time when the transition from high school to college is full of pressure. It’s a story about Beth, who seems okay at the beginning of the book and we slowly uncover all the layers to see she is not doing okay at all at home, or at life in general. I was invested in the story the whole way through and saw parts of me in it that made me uncomfortable but seen, which I appreciated. This is a powerfully layered story that will stay in my head for awhile.

📚 ~ Yolanda

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